A terrible tragedy has struck

You better be sitting for this one.

I just don't know how it happened. When. Why. It's terrible, reprehensible. Who could do this to me?

I have to keep busy to stop myself from breaking down and crying.

I mean, it's just so vile. I've lost all faith in humanity.

You've probably guessed what's happened by now, so I'll just say it outright.

Sir Baron Bouncy Biggles Barnum Baxter Francis III. Is...

Missing!

...I need a moment here.

Just breathe. Breaaathe....

...I promised myself I wouldn't cry.

Who knew that the rubber band that I added to Sir Bouncy on Wednesday would be his last. I don't know what's worse, the fact that he's missing or the fact that I don't know if he's happy or safe. Is he cold or hungry? Did one of those slimy interns take him or (gasp!) throw him away? I knew their annoyingly helpful attitude was just a front for their fiendish plans. Is he being violated, tortured by having his rubber bands removed slowly, one by one? Is he being taken care of? He needs more rubber bands to survive!

I think I just need to go home early and rest. It's been a trying day and I just can't look at that empty spot in my paper clip holder anymore. It's too much to take!

It's just...we've been together so long. I remember when I first made him. It was when I first started working here. I started with his heart, a small balled up piece of scrap paper. I took every single rubber band I could find on my desk and shaped him into the young man he became before he was so suddenly taken from me. I've watched him grow from a tiny little oval-shaped thing into a beautiful round ball who would bounce for me whenever I got bored. He was growing so big and had such a bright future. I was so proud of his accomplishments.

I just don't think I can ever feel safe at work again if people can just kidnap other people's rubber band balls without even leaving a ransom note. What kind of atrociously abhorrent astihophobic world world do we live in? I'm afraid to even think about beginning another--it could never fill the hole in my heart that Sir Bouncy made when he disappeared and I couldn't bear the trauma of losing another of my precious creations. 


So boys and girls, the lesson to this story is this: Hold your office supply creations tight, for you never know when they might bounce away from you forever.