Wednesday, January 4, 2012

The Ongoing Saga of Atticus Finch...who may or may not be a zombie

...No, not the character from the book. I'm fairly certain he's not a zombie. Atticus Finch is a bird. Betcha can't guess what kind of bird!

...What? You say a finch?...Oh. You're right. How'd you know?!

So the day before we're supposed to leave for two weeks at work, this bird who somebody said was dead, but obviously wasn't unless he's a zombie bird, flew into the library.

...Actually, maybe he is a zombie bird. Question: Do zombie birds eat human brains or bird brains? I'm hoping bird brains, but then we'd actually have to find and kill birds for him to eat and I wouldn't really like that.

This shit is getting confusing.

Okay. Back to the story. Bird flies into library where I work. I try my best to chase him out of the open door, but he doesn't want to leave because it's warm in there and apparently he likes law books. I forgot to mention that it's a law library. So there you go. It's a law library. I won't tell you which one because I don't want to reveal my true, not-super-hero identity because obviously having an awesome blog is a total super power.

I spent most of the day trying to get poor little Atticus outside. Because I didn't have anything better to do with my time. Or I did and I just didn't want to do it. Not relevant to the story, people!

All of my 55 followers on Twitter followed the saga intensely. Or not. Really, I think most of them ignored it.

So that means, I'm going to post the Tweets right here!...So more people can ignore them! (Yes, my life is sad.)

Jeez, even the birds need help today!

Birdy is hiding who-knows-where. Pretty sure it's not dead.

It could possibly be dead. Or dancing the cha-cha. It's hard to tell at this point.

Found the bird. Chased it around the library in the hopes that it would fly out the door.

He's now hiding under a bookcase. He's a finch and his name is Atticus. Can we keep him?

At one point, somebody managed to catch him, but when he went to show us the bird, Atticus flew away and back into the depths of the library. If I was really good at remembering quotes, this is where I would add a relevant touching quote from To Kill a Mockingbird. But I'm not, so fill in the blanks yourself.

By the way, I'm just assuming you get the reference to the book. His name is Atticus, he's a finch and apparently he wants to spend the rest of his days in a law library. If you don't get the reference, look it up on SparkNotes.

So anyway. The day ends, Atticus is still in the library and we try feeding him nuts, raisins, and bread. He doesn't eat. I get pretty terrified about finding a dead, smelly bird when I return to work. In two weeks. The boss came back the next day and left him bird seed and called somebody out to try to capture him, but he couldn't be found.

He still can't be found. There's little traces of Atticus everywhere. A little poop, some scattered bird seed and random sounds that really make me wonder if he is a zombie bird and he wants to eat my brain. And then I think I see something flying out of the corner of my eye and this bird is possibly toying with my mind and trying to drive me crazy. Before he eats my brains. That's like playing with your food. Not cool, dude.

I wonder what would happen if he does eat my brains. Do I become a human zombie or a bird zombie? How does that work? I need to find out more about the logistics of zombie-ism. Specifically the section about birds.