Friday, October 14, 2011

You Win Again, Windows Update!

I hate Windows update. And you best believe that I'm going to tell you why.

So here I am on my day off, getting into my daily habit of avoiding doing things with the internet. And Windows update, which has been happily downloading in the background while I make sure I'm not missing any super-important updates on Facebook, pops up to tell me I need to restart my laptop to install said updates.

So I delay the update, telling them to remind me in four hours because, surely in four hours, I'll actually be doing something useful instead of looking at bikes I want to buy on the internet.

Well, of course I'm doing something else in four hours. I'm watching a video about Pee-Wee Herman and Footloose. On the internet. And the little reminder pops up again to tell me what a loser I am for spending the past four hours straight getting distracted by random things online while still in my PJs.

I delay it for another hour, knowing that there's things I need to get done and I will most definitely be doing those things before an hour elapses. Right? An hour before I need to leave my laptop alone. That's it. I can do that.

An hour later, I'm reading a blog about giant metal chickens, with another tab open up to YouTube because I'm simultaneously not-really-watching vlogs. And then another tab open to Facebook because, again, I may miss an important update if I don't check it constantly. And I can't forget the tab open to Target because I want new pretty things and I can only afford new pretty things from Target.

And Windows update, that sneaky little bastard, has learned to give me the update notice in the background when I'm so distracted that I don't notice the little flashy symbol on my taskbar and instead continue happily on my interneting spree.

So inevitably, it happens. Windows decides that it's now or never and closes all my browser tabs after a whole afternoon of finding the perfect tab combination.

For at least 30 seconds, I get scared, thinking that my laptop is possessed by that black widow I killed last week and I start to wonder how I'm going to find an appropriate exorcist if I can't get on the internet.

Until I realize that it's been an hour since Windows update last bothered me. I shake my fist in anger as my laptop shuts down and decide to take the forced break from the internet to finally brush my teeth and get dressed.

And now you know how I spent my Friday. I'm happy, but not quite proud, that I'm back on the internet so I can continue reading blogs and checking Facebook and deciding what I'm going to buy at Target. It's important stuff. Somebody has to make sure the internet is still working. And hey, at least I brushed my teeth.