Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Camping!!!!!!!!!!!! By Luna the golden retriever

Hi. Is Luna again. Mom busy with big project for new writing thing, so she make me write about camping. She said I get Kong filled with cookies and peanut butter if I do good job.

Camping fun. Camping mean you go out to the woods and watch mom and dad put together this cloth house with long metal sticks. They call it 'tent.' Then you go play all day and sleep by a big metal round thing with fire while mom and dad drink and talk to friends and be loud and annoy neighbors. Neighbors got mad and told friends the next day that they need be quiet. It was funny. Mom and dad yell at me be quiet all the time.
Me in front of big metal fire thing...or am I fire breathing dog?
And then you sleep in tent and are a little cold, but mom let me sleep under the covers until dad went to bed and kicked me out. Not fair. I was there first. I did all work of warming up the spot.

And then you know what happens? When you wake up, you do it all over again!

Mom and dad got mad at me for getting loose the first day and going swimming without them. They said they thought I was going to swim across the whole lake and never return, but I think they just mad because I got to go swimming without them. I was just getting the stick they left out there because the other dog didn't want to get it! Did they want to just leave it there? No way!

Mom put me on long leash so I not swim across whole lake and let me fetch sticks the next day. It was fun. I never swim in waves before. They fun. Hard to jump over, but fun.

But the day after that, mom and dad took long metal poles out of tent and rolled it up! I did not swim that day, but friends got to. Not fair! Why I no swim? I good at swimming. Is fun. Mom said she didn't want her car smell like wet dog and they already packed away my towel. But I can shake off. I go swimming? I no smell like wet dog.

Swimming without Lucy is fun. Lucy steals balls and hides them. Lucy doesn't like it when I jump in pool. She thinks all balls are hers. Lucy still fun. I like Lucy.

But maybe now I like camping more? I dunno. Camping fun. Lucy fun. Swimming fun. I like fun. I go camping again? Swimming?
I do good job? I get Kong now?

Guess what?! You can now watch video of me swimming. Thanks dad!

Friday, July 8, 2011

I have my laptop back!

That's right, after over two weeks of updating my blog from my lunch break or on my fiance's computer while he sleeps, I have my own little piece of computing back. The keyboard feels right (I just can't seem to get the hang of those weird-o big desktop keyboards. I mean, seriously, what's up with those huge ass things?) and I loves my laptop so. It had this little hinge problem and it was all loose-goosey and like, "I'm going to fall apart on you" so--

Wait. What--are you snoring? You didn't even know that my laptop was broken, did you? You selfish jerk!

You know, that's just like you. You just blab on and on about your day and how that one bitch at work stubbed her toe so you had to baby her because heaven forbid she actually works, but you never ask me about my day, do you? Never. You know, just once you can take an interest in my life. You could maybe notice that, after all these years, there's no longer a laptop warming my legs while I do the LA Times crossword puzzle online. You probably didn't even know I did the LA Times crossword puzzle online, did you?

I thought so. You know what? It's over. Just...over. I'm sick of your selfishness.

...Just stop. You can't talk me out of this. You never listen to me, you never respond to me. It's like I'm talking to a wall made out of indifferent cats. Just go. I have my laptop to keep me company...oh, and my dog. Yeah. I have a dog. Didn't know that either, did you?

You sicken me.

Author's note: A big hearty thanks goes out to my good super-awesome pal Sam for making my laptop not angry and fall apart-y. No, not this Sam, although he is super awesome and he's offering free food to peeps on July 13 and if you're in Sacramento and you haven't checked it out then you better make like a tree and RSVP because he needs to know by Monday if you consider yourself cool enough for free food and do you know when Monday is? That's right. It's on Monday.

But back to my laptop, you selfish indifferent cat-wall. When I saw this picture...
...coupled with the caption of "Ummmm. How do I get it back together?" I peed my pants. Turns out, it was a bladder control issue. I'm wearing Depends now and taking some pills for it and it should be under control in a few weeks. Thankfully, since I have an appointment with the milk judge at the end of the month. Wish me luck! Oh, that's right, you won't, because you're a wall of indifferent cats.


(Thanks again to both Sams for fixing laptops and holding insurance things with free food. You guys are awesome-r than a puppy in spandex!)