Being Sick is Not Awesome.

Let's talk about being sick. Why? Because I'm sick right now.

This is stupid. It's the beginning of June and I've got a freaking cold. I never get colds in the beginning of June because there's never a reason to get a cold in the beginning of June. I mean, seriously, weather? I don't know if anybody told you, but this is California, not the Midwest. We don't get thunderstorms and tornado warnings in June in California. People should be complaining about how hot it is now because even though it gets super hot every year, they seem to forget that fact by the time winter's over. It's like everybody doesn't realize that they live in California and it's going to get crazy melt-your-eyeballs-out hot.

Usually in June, I'm freaking out because I'm frantically studying for finals while trying to finish that one paper that my sadistic professor decided to have due on the day of the final. Seriously, who does that? And I'm all worried that I didn't study enough and that I'll fail whatever final it is and ultimately fail the class, which I have never done so it's kind of an unfounded worry, but I do it anyway.

Back to being sick. I went to work yesterday. Meaning, I got my sick and delirious ass up at 8 a.m., somehow got ready and drove 26.6 miles to work, where I was barraged with questions from my boss about why I was there and how I got there. After I confirmed that, yes, I did drive myself, the conversation ended with "you don't look good."

Great. So not only did I feel like a puddle of brain mush and snot, I looked like it too. It didn't help that I just got new glasses a few days ago and my eyes are still trying to adjust to being able to see so clearly when they were just fine with the slightly blurry vision that my old glasses provided me. So I had this kind of eyes-not-focusing-and-getting-slightly-dizzy shit going on and I couldn't tell if it was the cold or the glasses.

So I tried to work. And I'm sure I made many mistakes and I'm surprised that I didn't manage to somehow blow the whole building up even though I didn't have access to anything that would cause anything to blow up. And then I went home early because I wanted to leave before the big storm hit (and apparently, before all those tornado warnings...yes, tornado warnings. Thanks, weather.) and because I didn't want to blow everything up and I probably scared all of our patrons because nobody wants to see a big puddle of brain mush and snot when they come into a library.

So I may be turning into a zombie. It's not yet confirmed, but I'm starting to smell a bit like dead flesh and I can't help but drool when I pet Luna's head, like I can just smell her delicious brains, and that's never happened before so I'm sure it's not a good sign. So if you have to shoot my brains out because I'm trying to eat yours, then I forgive you in advance.

Day of the Drunks, or West Coast Brew Fest 2011

On Saturday, Pat, Luna and I got drunk in the middle of the afternoon. At a park.

No, we weren’t like those boozehounds that keep their 40s in a paper sack because for some reason that makes it okay to drink a Mickey’s before 2 p.m. This was an officially sanctioned drinking event.

That’s right folks, it was the something-th annual West Coast Brew Fest! This was the first year that we got to go because we weren’t depressingly broke or committed to the insane asylum do other things.

We arrived about an hour and half beforehand to wait in line to get in. Because we’re just that committed to drinking. I don’t have any pictures of us waiting in line because, honestly, when has waiting in line ever been fun or exciting? Except for that one time when we were waiting in line at Disneyland for the Indiana Jones ride and these aliens landed right in front of us and started performing circus acts. But we told them to go to the back of the line because if they thought we were going to let them cut in line just because they were wearing those big red squeaky clown noses, then they were poorly mistaken.

Then we were let in and, for a second, I thought we might have been raptured. Was this beer heaven? Tons and tons of breweries under tents waiting to give us a little taste of their delicious craft brew goodness.

It wasn't exactly heaven. You know why? We couldn’t drink straight from the tap. We had to use these little plastic cups. 

Fill me, please!

But that’s okay. It was all-you-can-drink and, I assure you, we were determined to get our $30 worth of beer.

Do you know what we did as soon as we got in? We went to the nearest tent and stood in a short line (surprisingly, unlike SactoMoFo (the mobile food fest in Sacramento), the lines were super short and easy to get through. I think that tells you that Sacramento values their food more than their beer.) and then we drank….

A limited edition Spring cider from Two Rivers...nom!

And drank…

A delicious stout from some brewery that I can't remember the name of.

And drank….

Another cider. From Crispin Cider.

We went to about three tents in a row. Tipsy-ness was already starting to set in. So we ate….

My lovely fiance knows that jalapeños are the key to my heart.

And then you know what we did? No, we didn’t finish off our lunch by eating pretzel necklaces off some strange dudes.

Good planning, dudes!

We drank!

And another stout! From...

Bison Brewing! I only know that because I took this picture. Planning ahead, people!

And drank….

Scottish ale from Lockdown Brewing...I think

And Luna got love…

I don't have any pictures of Luna getting attention, so...you get this.

And she drank…

Wait a second...that's mine! Give it back, you boozehound!

And…I think you get the idea, but I have a few more pictures and I took the time out of my drinking to take them so, goddammit, you’re going to see them!

At this point, I stopped keeping track of what I was drinking...

...all I know is that it was beer and it was tasty. (Dig the artsy shot!)

I got this one from some guy that looked like Santa. When I came up to his booth, he yelled out "I like redheads!" I didn't have the heart to tell him I'm not a natural redhead. 

Luna had a bit too much, and started to get silly.

Go Ags! 

So we gave her a peanut-butter filled Kong and told her she needed to sober up because she was starting to embarrass us and she was our designated driver, anyway.

Nom nom nom!

Sadly, there wasn’t much drunk-watching to do. Everybody was fairly well-behaved, except for a couple of dogs who were mean drunks. And then there was this guy,

The dude to the left of the cop is the dude in question. 

Who slipped in this mud puddle near our base camp,

I was too lazy to get up and take a better picture.

And crashed into Luna’s water dish and my beer, spilling the contents of both on me.

I gave him a stern “Dude!”, he apologized profusely, the police gave him a talking-to, and he went on his merry way to drink some more.

If you’re reading this, dude-who-slipped-in-the-mud-and-spilled-dog-water-and-beer-on-me, I hope the po-pos didn’t scare all of the drunk out of you.

A couple of people puked, too, but I didn’t take pictures of those because I thought I’d be nice to you and not make you upchuck while you’re eating or pooping or doing whatever you do when you read this blog. But I will tell you this—one guy sitting on a bench near us spewed and there was beer-snot running out of his nose and mouth. Like touching the ground all slimey-like and I’m pretty sure Luna would’ve helped him clean himself up if we let her, but we only let her do that when one of us spews. We don’t know where that guy’s puke had been.

And, of course, Luna was too drunk to drive us home (that dog doesn't know when to stop…I think we may have to have an intervention soon), but we had a Plan B and Pat’s dad came to drive our drunk asses home. It felt like we were a couple of kids being picked up from the carnival or something because we were both talking at once about how much we drank and what this one guy did and what that other guy did and OMGitwassoawesome!

Cheers!

To see a video version of our awesome fun, click on the picture of Pat and his camera! 

Whoa, am I going to be in the vlog?!